In His shadow

Today was my orginal due date for Nolan. I always said my children like to "bake" longer as both girls were 9+ days past their due date. So, I assumed 9/18 would come and go and we would still be waiting to meet our sweet boy. Things don't always go as planned, and it has been over three weeks since Nolan was here with us. It makes me sad that he is not here in my arms. I think God has been protecting me. My devotional scripture this morning was Psalm 91:1 ~ He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Hurricane Ike has kept us more sheltered than usual. I have mostly stayed home, the kids are still out of school, and I haven't even been to the grocery store. In some ways, this shelter is good for me. In other ways, I need to get out, but getting out has it's consequences. Yesterday, I went with friends for a much needed pedicure. One of the ladies came up and asked "how's the baby?". I sat there for a minute - this had to come up sooner or later and I have to learn to deal with it. I've been saved from answering this question twice already - once by my Mom when someone asked at church 4 days after Nolan's birth and once by Troy when a neighbor saw us out walking the other day. I'm so thankful to them for answering for me, but I have to do this sometime. So, I told the nail lady that he only lived for about an hour. Of course she was shocked and so sorry. I even felt bad for her feeling bad about asking. Later I went into Subway and one of the teenagers that lives on our street was working there. He asked me if I had the baby. I said yes. He asked what his name was and I told him, 'Nolan'. As I left, I wondered if I should have said more. As far as he knows everything is fine, but I just couldn't bring myself to say more and he didn't ask more questions. I'm not sure if it's better to answer only the questions asked or to spill my guts. When fears overcome me and the cares of this world worry me, I have ventured out of His protecting shadow. I can't hide in my house forever, but I can live under the protecting shadow of our Lord. That is my goal - to venture out into the world, but let God's shadow protect me. He knows what I can handle, and He won't give me more than that.

I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust." Psalm 91:2