This is one of those posts that I feel like needs a disclaimer or WARNING: This is not for the faint of heart (it may make you cry) and there will be some whining. You have the option to stop here and not read this:)
Last night my mother-in-law asked if I was nervous about Wednesday. (A special thanks to Nanny and Poppy for having us over for dinner last night.) I truthfully answered, "no". At the time, I was tired and exasperated but not nervous. Who would think the first day of school could be so hard on a parent. I mean, by 9am both girls were in school. I got to go to my annual Mom's first day of school lunch with my friends. We talked and had a great time. Then the after school whirl wind began. Brianna came home to tell me that she didn't get the school supplies that I pre-paid for back in the spring because her name wasn't on the list. Now, I promise you I filled out the form and paid for them. I really really think I did, and i'm usually pretty organized when it comes to things like that. So, I get out my checkbook register because I am going to prove that the school is wrong, and I did pay for them. After going over it three times, looking all the way back to March, I decided maybe I didn't pay for them. Great!! If I had known this, I would have bought the supplies a month ago when they first put them out and they were not all picked over - remember I am very organized:) Of course I already know that when I pick up Brittany (who decided to pretend not to see me waiting to pick her up from school while she talked to her friends for 10 minutes - oddly enough, several of those friends could see me and even waved to me) she will need additional school supplies. Jr High is a little different, there are always a few things that they need that are not on the standard supply list depending on what electives are taken. So, we go back home, get both girls lists and proceed to spend an hour with our family of 4 searching the store for a red folder with pockets and brads, centimeter square graph paper, etc. Of course, they are out of several things. By then I am so tired. I'm hungry and I just don't feel very well. Oh, did I mention that the girls are starting that picking back and forth that siblings like to do? We go back home for a few minutes and I begin to believe that school lunch must have consisted of straight sugar today. We go to Troy's parents for dinner and I am convinced that I must speak with whoever plans the school menu - something is not setting well with my wonderful well-behaved children who are currently aggravating each other as much as possible and bouncing off the walls. Now that is a long explaination, but you can see why I wasn't nervous about Wednesday. I'm not even sure i'm going to make it to Wednesday without going completely crazy!
We finally get home and send the girls off upstairs to shower and get ready for bed. Troy and I have a few things to discuss about the big day and he can see that i'm really tired and suggests that I go to bed. I go to bed, but that's when I start thinking about everything that has been pushed from my mind during the first day of school madness. I pray, please God not again I just really need a few good hours of sleep. Of course I can't sleep, I get up and Troy is watching TV, the girls have gone to bed and no one came to tell me goodnight. They thought I was asleep:( So, I sit down beside Troy, he looks at me and I just start crying. Now i'm nervous - I'm worried about what might be the beginning of the end. I know i'm not supposed to worry. I know what I hope and pray for, and I know what the doctors' prognosis for Nolan is. I know that i'm supposed to give all of this over to God.
Matthew 6:34 says, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. "
I was thinking that there is only one more day with this precious life inside of me. He's doing ok in there. He's alive, his heart is beating and he is kicking around. What if his body can't handle our world? Parents aren't supposed to have to worry about how long their children will live. Children are supposed to far out live their parents. If you know me very well you know that i'm not usually a worrier, I have a child and several other people in my family who tend to worry. They know who they are, but I not one of them. However, i'm worrying now. As tomorrow at noon approaches, please continue to pray, first for a miracle and then that I will not be consumed with worry and that no matter the outcome we will feel peace in the delivery room and in the days to come, that God will guard our hearts and our minds.
Karen
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phillipians 4:6-7
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41 comments:
I came across your blog via another blog (you know how that goes...)and have read your story. It amazes me what strength and faith you have in the midst of all of this. I know you don't know me in person, but as a fellow Woman of Faith, please know me in spirit and know that I am praying for you, your family and baby Nolan.
We are praying for you and your family. God is good .......... all the time. We may not see with the clarity that he does. We may question his actions..... but in all things we give thanks.
I pray and will continue to pray for peace and the chance to get to know this tiny new life for countless days.
i will be praying for you.
Karen, I don't know if this is
the school counselor thinking in me or the Mom thinking in me: I know the girls are anxious too. It was a big day for them at school and I know they are anxious and nervous about Nolan's delivery on Wednesday too. I'm sure behavior was probably their way of dealing with their anxieties. This too shall pass.
Thank you so much for sharing your feelings. I think of you so often throughout each day and wondering how you are doing. One Bible verse that I keep thinking of is 1 Thessalonians 5:16. " Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Someone explained to me one time that this means exactly what it says---"give thanks IN all circumstances" not "for all circumstances," and that makes a lot of sense.
I will be praying for you, Troy, Brittany, Brianna, and Nolan and tomorrow approaches and the days following. Know that you are not alone, God is always with you and He will provide for your needs.
Love you,
Barbara
Troy, Nolan, Karen, Brittany, & Brianna - Be of good courage and cheer, I have overcome the world.
Call unto Me and I will answer you for I AM the same yesterday, today, and forever...
I SHALL never leave you, nor forsake you.
I SHALL continue to hold your hand during every downsitting and uprising - tomorrow at noon, every step prior and every moment afterwards.
I SHALL come to you and not leave you comfortless.
Selah
I too came to you via another blog. I just want to add my prayers to the many that are being put at the foot of our Lord for you and your family. May God give you the peace and strength for each day.
God grant this family a peace as they await the birth of Nolan and if it be your will Lord give them the miracle their heart desire. In our precious Savior Jesus' name.
Karen-I will be praying for you and Nolan Alexander tomorrow and each day...that God would do a miracle in his little body and give him many breaths. That God would strengthen you as you walk this path of uncertainty....but remember, He will light the path for each step that you have to take. He doesn't shine the light too far down the path...He only takes us one step at a time.
"You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, For in YAH, the Lord, is everlasting strength." Isaiah 26:3-4
In Christ-Stacy
Praying for the peace that passes understanding. Jesus is loves you so much.
Nicole
I hope you all can hear what our words cannot even begin to express. You have so many people that Love you and are praying for you.
As so many have stated already God is WITH you, he will carry you thru this and give you the grace and peace so that your meeting with Nolan tomorrow is the most special time.
~Becky
Hi Karen. I've been reading your blog for awhile now and just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers everyday, and I am going to especially cover you and Nolan on Wednesday. Hugs and prayers across the internet
Love,
Kim in Seattle
I will be praying.
Karen-
Simply no words... Just praying for complete covering for you, Troy, Brittany, Brianna, and of course precious Nolan.
Psalm 139: 1-18
O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.
Hi Zuckero Family,
Troy, we met about a year ago at the "Extreme Fights" (I was with Chris Cowart).
I wanted you to know that you all are in my fervent prayers. Please feel the love and prayers of many.
My God's peace and love undergird you always.
Yours In Christ,
Dariel Newman
(Associate Pastor to FUMC Pearland)
Karen:
My husband works with Troy, Rick Bean. We want you to know that your entire family is in our thoughts and prayers. With man it may look impossible but with God all things are possible; Ask and it will be given to you; the prayer of man is powerful and effective.
Keep the faith,
Rick, Pat & Colby Bean
Karen, I have been thinking about you a lot and especially today. I am anxious for you and wondering if you have been able to sleep. I am one of those worriers you were talking about and I think you have shown remarkable strength. I have been praying for you and and your family, praying for a miracle. They happen all the time! I am also praying for God to give you the strength you need tomorrow and the days to come. Love, Jane
I also found your blog a few days ago via another blog. I'll be praying for precious time with your son and for God's protection and guidance tomorrow.
Karen and Troy,
My prayers are with you guys! I have been praying every since I read the email Troy sent yesterday.
I know a little of what you must be feeling at this moment. In May of 2007, my daugther lost her precious baby girl at 29 weeks. This was the her first pregnancy after a long road of trying to conceive. I tell everyone that this was by far the toughest trial that we have ever faced in my life. But God is GOOD and we by HIS strength made it through giving HIM glory and praise for even the things we don't understand.
God in his goodness blessed her the following October with a pregnancy of twin boys. Since we don't seem to do anything tradition and easy, she went into labor with them in April at 24 weeks into the pregnancy. They delivered at 25 weeks. Jordan weighed in a 1lb 7.5 oz, and Jaxon at 1lb 12.5 oz. Over the next 3 months, we witnessed the power of God and "the prayers of the righteous" that prevailed much! Both boys came home early July and are doing great!
Despite the grime prognosis the neonatologists gave us before the boys were born, (and it was overwhelmingly grime!!), God in his awesome might pulled them through only having to endure ONE minor surgery. Some may say, "all we can do is pray", but I say, "what a priviledge it is that we can approach HIS throne of grace and mercy!".
Remember, "..all things work together for good for those who are called according to his purpose..". Your experience will be an emotional rollcoaster, but just know that God is in control and he will not give us more that we can bear.
Sorry for the long post, but I hope this was helpful. If you are interested in reading up my grandsons' journey for the last 4 months, you can go to their blog by typing "family.jclarry.com". Do not type in www or http.
Again, you are in my prayers.
"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Phil 4:7
Felicia Vaughn
Praying for you and your family as tomorrow arrives. We know what it is like to be where you are right now. Praying for a miracle but trying to prepare your heart if that miracle isn't exactly as you had hoped.
You are not alone!
Much Love and Many Prayers,
The Bolte Family
PA
I am the worrier, I admit it! :)
I posted earlier but somehow it was rejected so here goes...
Karen you are an inspriration to everyone who reads this blog. I am so blessed to have you in my life and Nolan is lucky to have you for a mother. Your girls have brought so much happiness to my life and I can't wait to meet my nephew. Drew told me that if Nolan is anything like his daddy, he will be a fighter. I truly believe this little guy is going to bless us all in ways we never imagined. You have shown such great strength and faith during this time. I will pray for your peace and continued strength tonight and the days to come. Just know that you have a loving group of family and friends standing behind you every step of the way.
P.S. I will worry enough for the both of us so try to take it easy! :)
Love You,
Nikki
I found you from Kenzie's blog and wanted you to know that I am praying for you and will tomorrow while I am at work. I know your fear. I had a baby girl named Madeline in June of last year. She has T18 and we miss her everyday. There is not an hour that I do not think of her still and it has been over a year. God bless you and cover you as you face an amazing, yet fearful, day. I know you are both anxious and scared but know God is there. He will get you through each moment.
Mandy H.
GA
www.madelinegracefoundation.com
Just wanted to tell you that I am praying for you diligently. I am a friend of Nikki's from school, but I feel like I know you since I've been reading your blogspot. I know your faith in the Lord will carry you through this, and we are believing in faith that it will all turn out ok! God bless you and give you strength!
Kasey Mathew
To the Zuckero's... our thoughts and prayers (as well as those of many of our friends and family) are with you all as Nolan enters this world tomorrow.
Craig, Jessica, Kaitlyn and Hailey
With many heartfelt thoughts and prayers as you deliver your precious little one tomorrow. You are held in the loving arms of our heavenly Father.
i came across your blog though another... i will be praying for you tomorrow....
Karen, Praying for peace and miracles in the delivery room. God Bless your precious family.
We are praying for you and your family and baby Nolan all the way from Surprise, AZ. I hope everything goes perfect for you guys.
My love, good thoughts and prayers are with you, Troy, Britany and Brianna and Baby Nolan.
Panny
Karen,
Please know that I will be praying for you all day today as you prepare to meet Nolan. I am asking God for a miracle and for His Perfect Peace all over the delivery room today. He says to be anxious for nothing, and this is such a hard one to understand, so I am asking Him to take over your thoughts and wrap you in the blanket of His Peace that passes all understanding. Nolan is fearfully and wonderfully made and is a perfect gift from God to you.
Blessings and Prayers, Laurie in Ca.
Karen & Troy my thoughts and prayers go with you today and many days in the past. I know that God has a plan for Baby Nolan and for each of us. I love you guys.
Chris Cowart
Karen,
I know you won't get this for several days while you are in the hospital, but I just want you to know we have all been thinking about you and the rest of the family. Jessica was so excited this morning when she realized it was the birth of her new baby cousin. She told me on the way to school that she has been praying everyday that little Nolan will be alright. I told her he would no matter what happens. Just remember that you are always in our thoughts and prayers. We love yall so much.
Cheryl
Thinking and praying for your family today. I hope that God's gives you a peace and understanding of his love for us. God never makes mistakes and he has picked your family for this very special delivery.
Karen and Troy,
My thoughts and prayers are with you and baby Nolan. As Nolan opens his eyes to the world, may his first sight and sound be of your smiling faces and the "oohs" and "aahs" coming from those who love him. Keep up your spirits and welcome baby Nolan!
Tiffany Doan
My prayers are with you all.
Steven Mitchell and family.
Continuing to pray throughout the day for you. I'm guessing you have precious Nolan in your arms right now... May God give you peace, and strength!
Love so much... on my knees,
Kenzie
Troy, my mom sent me this and I want to let you know the Dodson Family will be praying for you guys. What a beautiful famliy you have! I've been thinking about you and your Dad alot lately. My oldest son, Bobby (8), just started his first year of football...brings back wonderful memories! I'm so happy to see your family entrenched in The Word of God! From Dean, Lydia, Alexa, Bobby and Brady Dodson- we will be praying for baby Nolan. God Bless.
We are praying for you today on this very special day. I know you were nervous about today. I know God will take care of you and baby Nolan. I know with all the prayers this sweet baby will have a blessed life. I wish I could have been there for you today, but you have been on my mind and heavy on my heart today. We will always keep you in our prayers and thoughts.
Rausch Family
Karen & Troy,
Just a note to let you know that you have been in mine and my families prayers for months. Nikki has been keeping us updated and has shared your blog with us. I have just read your posts and I feel like I have been on your journey with you. Thank you for being so open. I know this is a difficult day for you and we wish you only good things as you recover. We will be thinking about you and the girls and know that little Nolan is being well taken care of.
Love always,
Ashley Blackburn
Karen I have been thinking about you and your family constently today. You and Baby Nolan are real heavy on heart right now. I know that he will be perfect when he arrives. I know that you were nervous and I pray as I am writing this that you have found some calm now that he is finally here. I have been praying for you and your family for several months now and I assured by my faith that all is right with Baby Nolan as the Lord has seen fit.
Love you girl,
Jennifer Swayzer
I just got the news and I want you to know how much my heart goes out to your family. It has been raining all day here in NC. However, just now as the rain continues to pour, the sun is shining. It makes me think of the song on your blog, "Bring the Rain." Just know that the Son is shining through and will bring you peace.
Love,
Monica
I just wanted to let you know you and your family are in my prayers! Let me know if I can help or do anything for you!
Julie Phillips
You don't know me, but I know a few of your husband's co-workers! (Tara and Shelby) I am simply floored after reading several of your posts and seeing the strength and faith that runs wild through this family!! I'm so glad that I got to witness your strength Karen and I pray that all works out just as it's suppose to and that everyone can handle and take care of what needs to be done!!
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